Parents often use fear, as a tactic, to scare their children so that they agree to what parents want. They resort to scaring their children to enforce discipline or encourage compliance with tasks, believing it will make children listen or act quickly. While the intention might be to guide or protect the child, the use of fear can have unintended negative consequences. Here are some common examples of scaring tactics used by parents:
Bedtime Fears:
Saying, “The monster under the bed will come if you don’t sleep.”
Threatening with phrases like, “If you don’t sleep now, the dark will get scarier.”
Eating Food:
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll get sick and the doctor will give you a painful injection.”
“If you waste food, the food police will come and scold you.”
Completing Homework:
“If you don’t do your homework, the teacher will yell at you and embarrass you in front of the class.”
“If you don’t study, you’ll fail and never get a good job.”
Maintaining Behavior in Public:
“If you don’t behave, the policeman will take you away.”
“If you don’t stop crying, strangers will laugh at you.”
Following Safety Rules:
“If you don’t hold my hand, someone will kidnap you.”
“If you play on the road, a car will hit you.”
Cleaning Up:
“If you don’t clean your room, all your toys will be taken away.”
“A scary bug will come and live in the mess if you don’t clean up.”
Obeying Commands:
“If you don’t listen to me, I’ll leave you here and go away.”
“If you don’t stop that, I’ll call the scary man to deal with you.”
Visiting the Doctor/Dentist:
“If you don’t brush your teeth, they’ll all fall out, and the dentist will pull them out painfully.”
“If you don’t behave, the doctor will give you a shot.”
Stopping Misbehavior:
“If you don’t stop throwing tantrums, a ghost will come and take you.”
“If you don’t stop crying, I’ll tell everyone that you’re a bad child.”
Why Scaring Children is Harmful
- Erodes Trust: Children rely on their parents for safety and security. Scaring them undermines this trust, making them feel unsafe in their home environment. Don’t use fear, as a tactic, to make them do what you say.
- Promotes Anxiety: Constant fear-based tactics can lead to heightened anxiety, fearfulness, and even irrational phobias that persist into adulthood.
- Encourages Negative Behavior: Scaring can teach children to respond to threats rather than develop intrinsic motivation to do the right thing. This may lead to rebellion or avoidance behaviors as they grow older.
Impacts Of Using Fear As A Tactic
- Impacts Emotional Regulation: Fear-based parenting may limit a child’s ability to self-regulate emotions and make confident decisions, as they may act out of fear rather than understanding.
- Short-Term Fix, Long-Term Harm: Children may comply temporarily out of fear, but it doesn’t teach them the reasoning or value behind the task.
- Encourages Mistrust: It can lead children to doubt their parents’ words, making them skeptical or resentful.
- Irrational Fobias: Scaring can leave children with lasting fears or irrational phobias.
- Hinders Independence: Fear-based parenting may make children overly reliant on external threats for behavior regulation, rather than developing self-discipline.
What Parents Should Do Instead
- Use Positive Reinforcement: Reward positive behaviors to encourage compliance, such as praising or providing small incentives when children follow instructions.
- Explain the Why: Communicate the reasons behind tasks calmly and clearly. For example, explain that sleeping on time helps them feel energetic and ready for the day.
- Establish Routines: Consistent schedules create a sense of security and eliminate the need for coercion. Make bedtime a calm, enjoyable routine with stories or calming music.
- Set Boundaries with Empathy: Be firm but kind. For example, “It’s bedtime now because your body needs rest to grow strong.”
- Model Behavior: Demonstrate the desired behavior yourself. For instance, if you establish a bedtime routine, children are likely to emulate it.
Teaching children through understanding and positive reinforcement fosters trust, confidence, and emotional well-being, creating a stronger parent-child relationship.
Using fear, as a tactic, to make children comply with tasks, such as going to sleep, is generally not a recommended parenting strategy. While it might yield short-term results, it can have long-term negative consequences for a child’s emotional and psychological development. Here’s why scaring children is not advisable and what alternatives parents can adopt:
Scaring children may seem effective at that moment, but it can harm their mental and emotional well-being in the long run. Instead, parents should focus on nurturing trust, communication, and understanding to guide their children positively. Raising emotionally secure and confident children requires patience and thoughtful parenting practices. Prioritize love over fear.
About The Author: Payal Jain
About The Author: Payal Jain
She is a compassionate life coach, counselor, and certified VK teacher, with extensive expertise in cosmic healing techniques and energy work.
Well-versed in the use of Affirmations, Switchwords, Bach Flower Remedies, and Cosmic Serums of Vibbes Kada, she helps individuals align with their highest potential. As a faithful, true, and wholehearted follower of Sharat Sir, she has been profoundly shaped by his guidance and teachings, which have empowered her to master these transformative healing modalities. Sharat Sir regards her not only as a devoted student but also as a cherished member of his family.
As a senior member of the Litairian core committee, she continues to serve with dedication, always striving to share the wisdom imparted by Sharat Sir. In her roles as a Cosmic (VK) Healer, Law of Attraction teacher, and Reiki Master/Healer, she empowers individuals on their journeys of self-discovery and fulfillment. A recipient of the prestigious WOW Personality Award in Mumbai (2016), she is also an accomplished blogger, sharing insights and positivity inspired by Sharat Sir’s teachings.
